Yuck

I hate days like this. Days that start with eyes that won’t stay open as I start the 1 hour drive to take the kids to school. Days where I am so tired it’s dangerous, yet I still have to complete the morning routine. All I can do is count the seconds until I can crawl back into bed. Oh…and it’s raining.
I think I may have found an end to my strep throat problems. I have scheduled surgery to have my tonsils removed the Monday before Thanksgiving, so I’m hoping this will solve that problem. I’m not looking forward to it though. Everyone says the pain is excruciating and it will take a week to 10 days for recovery. It ought to be incredibly fun to deal with that while all the kids are in the house. If I’m going to do this, it better sole the strep problem. I’ve already had it twice since school began, so it can only get better, right?

I knew when we decided to enroll Steven at the school in the next town that the commute thing would be difficult. I now officially can say I HAD NO IDEA. This whole thing is awful. I’m going through a tank of gas every 2-3 days and I’m just sick of being in the car. If I wasn’t worried about the effect on Steven, I would consider moving him to Henry’s school. I just don’t think it would be good for him to start over again. I wish I knew how to make it easier for myself. Maybe I’m just a whiner, I don’t know.

Had to take Maggie to the doctor this past week and pulled her out of school for it. She had come from choir and had her folder with her and she went through all the music with me, telling me about it with lots of excitement. It was, at the same time, awesome and totally weird for me. See, her choir teacher is the same teacher I had in high school. He came to our school my junior year (1984-85)  and has been there ever since. My brother also had him, but I didn’t have much contact with his experience, so it wasn’t too weird. Just the fact that she’s in my high school taking choir with the same teacher is wreaking havoc on my psyche. I’ve had numerous dreams now where I’m who I am now at the age I am now, but for some reason I have to go back to the high school for a semester or a year. In every dream, I want to get involved with the music program, but due to my age, I’m reluctant. I’m not allowed to participate in any of the competitive choirs because there are IHSA rules that you can’t be over 19 (I think), but I keep finding myself standing outside the choir room, debating whether or not to audition for Madrigals or Varsity Choir or the show choir (as if they’d really want an overweight, middle aged woman on stage with them). Sometimes I dream that there are other choirs that don’t exist in reality for me to audition for. It is really weird and unsettling. Plus, the dreams are so vivid, sometimes I feel that they’ve actually happened or that Maggie or the choir director knows about them. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Maggie said, “Mom, you are NOT participating in my choral program, so just get that thought outta your head”. I almost wish she’d gone to a different school so I didn’t have this subconscious crap to deal with. Selfish, much? Yup.

Y’know, my brain is a strange and terrifying place. I probably shouldn’t open it for others’ perusal.

 

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