Working through stuff

Here I sit, on battery power, composing an entry in WordPad to post later. Why? Because our stupid power went out. I have no idea why, but how sad is it when the first reaction after it happens is, “Have we paid the bill??” (Which, yes, we have)

And, of course the kids FREAK OUT when we lose power. Steven was down in the basement by himself, Maggie was in her room, Henry was watching Cedarmont Kids in the family room, Steve was in his office and I’m in the bedroom playing Marine Park. None of us are anywhere near each other. Steven lets out a scream as if he’s being eaten by bears. Henry thinks it’s great fun and is giggling as he stumbles around in the dark. Maggie was on her laptop, so she’s at least got the light of that to keep her from freaking. One thing I learned tonight – we need many more flashlights and candles in this house. 2 candles and 1 flashlight aren’t enough. Thankfully, it was bedtime, so I just got the kids in their PJs and put them right to bed. But since they’re just like me, it’ll be a while before they fall asleep because the house is CREEPY EVIL QUIET. We’re all used to having noise in our rooms while we sleep – lullaby music, humidifiers, fans, etc.  Total silence is not of the Lord. :hee:

So. This weekend we got news that a family member ended a 3 year relationship. We were all devastated because we thought this was going to the “the one”, y’know? And, of course, nobody likes to see someone they love dealing with this kind of pain. I got the news over the cell phone in the car with all the kids there so they, of course, heard my end of the whole conversation. What makes is sadder for them is that we had just seen them a few days prior and we all had a great time. The kids, of course, love them both and are now confused. Well…not Maggie, really. Steven wasn’t processing it well, though. First, he didn’t understand why they weren’t already married. Then, he didn’t really understand the whole “breaking up” thing – except for how it applied to him. “Does this mean,” he asked “that we won’t ever see (significant other’s name) again?” Well…..probably. It’s pretty simple for kids, isn’t it. “How does this affect me?” Doesn’t really care much for the intricacies and machinations of it all, just how will I be impacted by this turn of events? Also trying to explain that it’s better they decide it’s not going to work NOW, before they’re married, rather than afterwards. He got that part.

A good thing that came of this was that I was able to have a conversation about it with Maggie. She’s a sly one, that girl. She has this ability to be nearly invisible when “grown-up talk” is happening, so she can just quietly observe. She’s silent as the grave & does nothing to draw attention to herself. It can be a really long time before you register that she’s there. So, she’s listening to my mom & I talk about it and going over the whole “What did I do wrong” thing that so many of us women go through after a breakup. Lord knows I’ve blamed myself for a relationship ending more than once – that if I can’t keep this or that relationship going, there must be something wrong with ME. Not him, not the circumstances, not the fact that weren’t a good match to begin with. ME. So we lamented that a bit. When Maggie & I were back in the car, she asked a question (that, good mother that I am, I can’t even remember now) and I got to talk to her about the importance of NOT defining yourself by any man/boy. That so many women/girls see their self-worth in relation to who they’re dating and, by extension, when the relationship ends, it’s because there’s something wrong with them – some fault or shortcoming on their part. I told her that it’s important to have your own thing going on – whether it’s work or school or an interest – something that defines you that’s completely unrelated to a boy, so that if/when it doesn’t work out, you’re not quite so devastated. You need to be confident and strong in who YOU are as a woman, therefore you can look at your relationships healthily and see them as “each of us is bringing something important to the party” rather than “I’m so lucky he chose me”. She seemed to get it, which is good. Gosh, if I can keep her from making even one of the mistakes I made, she’ll have a leg up. I so don’t want her to be one of those girls who only feels worthwhile if she’s got a boyfriend. And I SO don’t want her beating herself up when some dolt decides he doesn’t wanna be tied down.

So, while it was a very sad weekend for our family, it also provided good opportunities for conversation and, hopefully, strengthening. I just hate that there has to be hurt for that to happen.

The pregnancy? Seems to be progressing. I had a brief respite from the nausea and now it’s back. I had to run to the grocery store before picking Henry up today and I wasn’t sure if I was going to puke in the aisle or simply pass out. I had picked up some string chees and was so hungry I had to tear into it and eat one while standing on line. Had I been less proud, I would have plowed through 3 or 4 more, but I was shamed. Of course, once I got in the car, I tore those puppies open with abandon and ate them as fast as my hands could push them into my mouth. I tell ya, when my stomach decides it’s hungry, there is NO warning. It hits like an punch in the throat and there must be FOOD NOW. I do go for my Level 2 ultrasound on Wednesday, so I’m excited about that. I’m SO hoping that we’ll be able to tell the sex. I’m 13 weeks today, so it’s early, but maybe because it’s a Level 2?? Maybe?? At the very least, I pray that every body part is where it’s supposed to be and everything’s growing appropriately. And that nothing raises a red flag to make them want to do further testing.

Well, that last paragraph brought the return of our electricity (YAY!), so I’m going to wrap up & get this posted. Happy last week of January, y’all!

Oh!! BTW – Butternug Squash Designs will be closing its doors on February 1st. For this final week, I’m giving 75% on all the offerings there. I’m hoping to eventually move everything at BSD over to NDISB, but there’s no guarantee when that will be, so if there’s something you’d like, snap it up now!