True Confessions

confessions-1Okay. It’s time for parental true confessions. I’m warning you – I’m going to be brutally honest here. Because I have to vent somewhere. <deep breath>

Lately, I don’t like my middle sons very much.

Does that make me an awful person? Probably, to some people out there. I just have to be honest. I think we probably all go through this to one extent or another – when your child is going through a stage, creating behavior that you just. don’t. like.

I have to admit – I’m there right now. Let’s explore it. First, there’s Steven. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with him, but he is driving me BONKERS. Every day, he’s just expressing this unpleasant, gross greediness that makes me want to be away from him. It is nearly constant begging for stuff or trying to bargain for cash. And it comes out of nowhere – he doesn’t GET a bunch of stuff normally and he doesn’t get money other than his allowance. It is the most annoying thing ever. I’m telling him, over and over again to stop it. Just stop it. You’re not getting anything, I’m not buying you anything, you’re not getting any money. I must have told him this 800 times over the past couple of days, but he WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP.

On top of that, he’s melting down over his ridiculous DS games. I try to intervene and encourage him to take a break if it’s frustrating him, but he just screams at me. I tell him not to scream at me and his frustration goes through the roof. Then, when I finally have to punish him because of the way he’s talking to me, or because he’s thrown something in anger, he screams that I’m torturing him. “Why are you DOING THIS TO ME???’ And no matter how I try to explain it or get him to understand, it just keeps happening and happening.

I’m so incredibly sick of it. So sick of every day starting like this. So sick of picking him up from school and it starts in again. “Did I get anything in mail?” “No.” “AUUUUGH!!! THE MAIL IS SO STUPID!!!”  What? I NEVER got anything in the mail when I was 8. EVER. I certainly never expected to get something (even though I didn’t do anything to get it) and never melted down when nothing came. It’s so frustrating, because it makes me not want to be around him at all. I don’t want to talk to him or listen to him talk – especially because it always turns around to something he wants or the piles of cash he desires.

Then there’s Henry. How lame is it that I’m confessing that I don’t like my son who has Down Syndrome?? But, right now, I don’t. I cannot stand constantly being hit by him. I cannot stand the constant throwing. And I really, really, really cannot stand the horrifying noise he makes when something isn’t going his way. Which is about 80% of the time. At home when the TV isn’t showing something he wants. In the car when someone’s talking. Or when he doesn’t like the song playing. Or, especially when we go through a drive thu. Imagine, if you will, being trapped in the car with THIS constantly sounding, like a drill invading your brain:

Henry’s Default Noise

I HATE it. I cannot fully express in words the depth of my hatred for that noise. I try to get him to use his words, but he just screams again. I want to die when it starts. Seriously. Again, it makes me not want to be around him. Which then makes me feel like a horrible, evil mother. I mean, what mom doesn’t want to be around her kids? But, I just want some peace. Some quiet. Not to have to figuratively bang my head against the wall every single day.

This, too, shall pass. Right? Gosh I hope so. And soon.