So remember how last time I talked about apologies and how it isn’t really an apology when someone just says “I’m sorry if I offended you”? That, instead, that person is basically doing whatever they have to do to shut you up? I had a very interesting thing happen.
After I wrote that, I stopped in at, of all places, Jimmy John’s to get a sandwich. You know how they have all those quotes, sayings & stuff on the walls? While I was waiting for my sandwich, I saw one I hadn’t noticed before.
1. What I did was wrong. In order to actually apologize for something, you have to realize, accept, and admit that what you did was wrong. And so, so many of us simple refuse to do this. We skip over this part and jump to #2.
2. I feel badly that I hurt you. Even this part is kind of whitewashed. Usually people will say something along the lines of “I’m sorry if I hurt you” or “I’m sorry if you were offended”. Which, when you really look at it, is saying “You are really way too sensitive and get hurt/offended too easily, but I’ll say ‘sorry’ if you’ll shut up about this.” Instead, this part only really means anything if the person has already made it through step 1. You really cannot honestly feel badly for hurting someone if you don’t think you did anything wrong in the first place.
3. How can I make this better? Even the last step gets either ignored or glossed over. Nobody actually wants to make amends for the wrong they’ve done. They just want the confrontation to end.
I find this so interesting. I agree 100% with this sign. A proper apology does have 3 parts. And most people don’t pay it no mind. I’ll say one thing Ms. Coulter, at least. She didn’t even pretend to apologize. She doesn’t think she was wrong and she’s not about to spout off some expected response that she doesn’t really mean. I still think she’s 8 billion percent wrong, but at least she’s standing behind her mistaken & offensive rhetoric.Tweet