Pity Pot

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of waiting for Henry to improve. I’m sick of making excuses for him. I’m sick of apologizing for his behavior. I’m sick of not being able to take him anywhere. I’m sick of having to strap him into a stroller when we do go somewhere because he can’t act like a human. I’m sick of my house looking like an episode of Hoarders due to the crap everywhere just laying wherever Henry threw it. I’m sick of the Cheerios everywhere. I’m sick of everything getting broken. I’m sick of getting hit, scratched, kicked & humped. I’m sick of people who don’t know him looking at him/us like there are monkeys flying out of his butt. I’m sick of having to weigh any nice thing we want to add to our home against whether or not Henry will destroy it.

I love my son. I love him so much that I don’t even feel that I need to validate that here. I know how much I love him. But I’m at a breaking point. I’m so incredibly tired of waiting for him to outgrow this or learn the proper behavior or UNDERSTAND anything. I’m sick of listening to Steven complain about how he gets away with everything. I’m sick of trying to figure out how to make him understand that his behavior is unacceptable. I’m sick of having to leave places because Henry behaves like an animal monster. I’m sick of not being able to leave Henry & William on the same FLOOR of the house because Henry will inevitably hurt William, leaving a mark, scratch, bump or gash on William’s sobbing face. I’m sick of having to figure out what to do with Henry so I can do things like attend my daughter’s graduation or my son’s performance because I can’t bring him in without him disrupting everything.

I’m tired of having to replace things he breaks – like a TV or a computer. I’m just sick and tired. Of waiting. Of working and trying and attempting to modify behavior and getting nowhere. Of hearing that he’s behaving great at school but as soon as he gets in the car, he devolves into some sort of howler monkey cross-breed. I’m sick of worrying. I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of wondering. I don’t want a “normal” kid. I want a kid who can function in the world without apology, excuse or being a bull in a china shop.

I know I’m supposed to “Wait on the Lord”. I know. I’m trying. But I’m tired. I’m sick. And I can’t take it anymore.