Open Letter

Dear Woman at Tonight’s Showing of Pirates of the Caribbean:

You are, without a doubt, one of the worst mothers I’ve ever encountered. As I attempted to enjoy a cinematic respite with my 13 year old daughter tonight after a day of enduring the headache-inducing whining and fighting of my 3 boys, I could not help but be distracted by you and your two year old son sitting in front of me.

While it’s horribly selfish and rude to bring such a small child into a movie directed at teens and above, that is not my main complaint with you. Though it was terrifically annoying to have to listen to the very thing I went to the movies to escape, my chief complaint is with your parenting. I can certainly understand the desire to go see a movie and not having the resources to employ a babysitter, the proper response to that situation is to NOT. GO. It is utterly unfair to the other patrons to have to listen to your child fuss and it is stunningly shocking to watch and listen to you pick up the child, smack them on the bottom and whisper menacingly, “STOP IT RIGHT NOW” in his ear as you squeeze the life out of him.

Seeing this once during the course of the movie is bad. Seeing this a handful of times is really bad. Seeing this the 10 or more times I watched it during the 2 hour movie is INFURIATING. Thanks to you, I got to spend the majority of the movie with my fists & jaw clenched, weighing the benefits of speaking up and causing a scene with the drawbacks of starting a fight in the theatre and ruining the movie for everyone else. I did consider leaving the theatre and complaining to an employee, but I figured it was totally not fair to ask a high school student to handle a situation that I wasn’t sure how to handle.

You should be ashamed of yourself. I know you’re not, because, well, YOU DID THIS. The movie was wholly inappropriate for a child that age and to punish a 2 year old for being a 2 year old forced into an inappropriate environment is the worst kind of parenting. Maybe you need to put your Johnny Depp creepy fangirl obsession to the side for 5 minutes and consider what’s best for your son. But that would entail being thoughtful of the needs of others and you’re obviously not capable of that.

I weep for your children and hope, for your sake, they treat you a hell of a lot better than you treat them. Remember, your kids will choose your nursing home….