Nyet.

Still no baby. Still no contractions. Yeek. Looks like I’m heading down the home stretch to my due date.

After yesterday, Steve recognized that I needed a break. So I went to see Harry Potter again and, since it’s been out for over a week now, I can talk about it. But I will put it behind a cut, so if you haven’t seen it yet, you won’t be spoiled. Okay? Okay.

First off, the movie as a whole? I can only describe it as “meh”. I was disappointed a bit. I understand, because it’s kind of the one of the weaker of the books, but this movie could have been better than it was. How? In my opinion, by sticking more to the plot points in the book. Many of the important moments or scenes were downplayed or left out altogether. And then they put in stuff that wasn’t necessary.

The first scene I was disappointed in was Spinner’s End. In the book, Snape was much more powerful and sure of himself. He was dismissive of Bellatrix and had no problem doing what needed to be done. To be honest, when I first read that chapter of the book, I was convinced that someone else had written it because it was so unlike anything in the previous books – very reminiscent of some of the Snape fan fiction I’ve read. However, the  movie played it like Bellatrix almost “double dog dared” Snape into making the vow. That he had no intention of actually keeping his promise, but he did it because Bella called him a coward. It reminded me of old Happy Days episodes when someone would call Richie a chicken. I didn’t think it was a proper characterization of Snape. Oh…plus? Snape + Wormtail = Judge Turpin & Beetle Bamford. Except maybe Snape should encourage Wormtail to engage in some better grooming in this one, eh? Or they could just share a meat pie…

I also noticed that Dumbledore kept saying to Harry, “I’m sure you’re wondering why….” then whatever it is they were doing. Here’s a thought Dumbly. If you’re sure he’s wondering, how about you just TELL HIM, rather than reflecting on your certainty of his wonderment. I thought Harry made it pretty clear in the first Slughorn scene that, no, he’s not really wondering. After six years of this stuff, Harry’s just learned to “go with it”. Stop prefacing everything – just tell him.

I haven’t re-read HBP, so I cannot remember if the whole Cormac/Hermione thing is canon, but can I just say that Cormac was really creepy? The icky lewdness of him licking whatever that dessert was (eclair sundaes?) off his fingers as he undresses Hermione with his creepy eyes made me say “EW!” so loud that people around me laughed.

Luna is the awesomest. Nothing phases her and she’s just so cool. When she showed up at the Gryffindor table with that hysterical lion head on – she’s the best! And going to Slug’s Christmas party with Harry? Her outfit was just awesome!

Apparently, Draco got Daddy’s pimp cane while Daddy’s doing his time in Azkaban – why didn’t he use it?? He should have been totally crusin’ down the halls with that delicious acoutrement, rockin’ that cane like the rock star he’s become.

Okay – Lavender? You are officially the scariest teenage girl who ever lived. Anyone who vibrates and shivers and gasps for breath in the presence of RON?? So much of the time, she looked like she couldn’t decide whether to snog him or eat him alive. After they broke up and they’re all in the Great Hall? You keep seieng Lavender over Harry’s shoulder bathed in a light and looking for all the world like she can bend that spoon with her mind. I kept expecting her rage to ignite the fireplace behind her or for her to send legions of spoons shooting across the hall directly into Hermione’s forehead.

Why did Lavender & Ron get Harry & Ginny’s kiss?

After that, when Hermione runs out and is crying in that mossy corridor with the birds she’s conjured flying about? And she sends them after Ron? Y’all?? HERMIONE MURDERED THOSE BIRDS!! Yes, I know it was something she’d conjured, but still! She’s a bird murderer!

Oh my WORD. Cormac PUKED ON SNAPE. How wicked was THAT? That poor kid – he will never be done with detention, EVER. Can you even imagine the repercussions for PUKING on Snape? And Snape hardly even blinked. Cormac is so screwed, y’all.

Speaking of Snape (and I often do), what was the deal with his hair in this one? That wig was straight out of the Partridge Family. He looked like David Cassidy and Leif Garrett’s older, darker, pissier brother. Again – SNAPE DOES NOT HAVE FEATHERED HAIR.

I noticed that on the train TO Hogwarts, the landscape was very odd – all flat and brown and cracked with water here & there. On the way FROM Hogwarts at Christmas? A stunning Alpine scene with fir trees. Odd?

Oh, Tonks. You were such a great character in the books. What a travesty that the films have turned you into a Joan Jett wannabe…

tonks

Why did they throw in the burning of the Burrow? What was the point of that? Obviously they’re going to leave out Bill & Fleur’s wedding in the next movie, otherwise why burn it? It seemed to be a pointless scene that added nothing. And took up time that could have been used for, I dunno, ACTUAL NECESSARY PLOT like Tom Riddle’s memories or more information about the horcruxes (since the last 2 movies are all about finding them) or even DISCOVERING WHAT THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE MEANS? Weird choices.

Who was that creepy, horrid Damien boy playing Tom Riddle at Hogwarts – and why didn’t they get the kid who played him in the 2nd movie? The one they used was so, so icky. His skin was all smooth and weird – like wet clay. And this odd, deep voice coming out of that face – yeek.

Okay, back to Lavender. Ron gets poisoned and goes to the hospital where McGonnegal, Snape, Dumbledore and Slughorn rush in and stand in a line. In runs Lavender, who PUSHES past Snape, actually touching him and pushing his robes out of the way. What was THAT? I don’t care how lovelorn Lavender is – there ain’t no way she would TOUCH Snape. Even unconsciously. Her subconscious mind would have sent her completely out of her way rather than laying her hands on Snape or his robes. Especially a girl like that. Dontcha think?

Watching Harry & Draco go at it in the lavatory – I am SUCH a mom. The first thing I thought was, “BOYS!! Stop breaking the bathroom!! Great. Now who’s gonna clean this up?”

Ew – Snape’s robes dragging through the toilet water. He’s gonna hate that.

Another bad change to a good character – Ginny in the books kicked major butt. Smart, funny, sarcastic, tough – no BS. Ginny in the movie? Dull as dishwasher. She’s not funny, she’s not interesting. Where’s the great budding relationship between her & Harry? Where’s the sexual tension? Where’s self-assured Ginny who decides she wants Harry and brooks no argument about Ron’s reaction? ZZZZZZ.

The best part of the movie was definitely Harry on the Felix. Dan Radcliffe has improved markedly in his acting – he’s got a great comic sense and really brought it. From the moment he took the Felix to when he got all serious with Slughorn about his mom and the fish (what??), he nailed it. The moments were fantastic.

Sign of the financial crisis: Harry Potter got the old “Fortress of Solitude” set from Superman, painted it silver and called it Tom Riddle’s cave. Bwahahahaa!

inthefortress

Harry gets pulled under by the Inferi and suddenly balls of fire shoot into the water. Harry comes up and we’re treated to Dumbledore as Moses in The 10 Commandments. He even parts the “Red” Sea.

dumbledore-hbp-cave

Tom Felton – great job as Draco. So nice to get to see you do something other than sneer haughtily.

Dumbledore didn’t “freeze” Harry. There ain’t no way Harry would have watched Dumbledore get killed and not scream “NOOOOOOOO!!!” unless he was frozen.

Death Eater escape – this was pathetic. In the book, they have to fight their way out. In the movie, they casually march out led by Snape in his typical “watch my robes billow” stride as Bellatrix goes all vandalistic teenager on Hogwarts. Nobody gets threatened by Fenrir (what happened to HIS storyline, btw? Pedophilic werewolf? How do you leave THAT out?), no one even tries to stop them from leaving. And the WORST part. The most IMPORTANT line in the book is when Harry’s trying to stop Snape – throwing curses at him while Snape is deflecting, refusing to hurt Harry and even still TEACHING him as he’s threatened. Harry calls him a coward and Snape is supposed to say, “I AM NOT A COWARD!” Which, I think is terribly important insight into Snape’s character that all gets revealed in the next book. Instead we get a couple of deflections, a rebuke of Bella and a casual “oh, by the way, the title of the movie?? That’s me.” Without any explanation. That scene is supposed to be so awesome and I’ve been actually looking foward to it. They RUINED it.

So, Dumbledore’s dead, lying on the ground surrounded by people who are just staring. Harry’s the only one who actually reacts to it. Until McGonnagal lifts her wand in what seemed to be the wizarding world’s version of calling for an encore. I had to bite my cheeks not to call out “FREEBIRD!” What a stupid, stupid scene.

We don’t get Dumbledore’s funeral, but we end this big, dramatic film with Hermione telling Harry that Ron’s okay that Harry’s dating Ginny. Oh, and, yeah, we’re all going to go horcrux hunting together. At least I think we are – Ron’s just sitting in the background like a lump. The greatest wizard who ever lived just did a header off the Astronomy Tower thanks to the wand of another professor and all we can talk about is snogging? Priorities, people. Sheesh. Oh, and if they can’t figure out who R.A.B. is in about 5 minutes, they’re NEVER going to find the horcruxes. EVER.

That’s it, I think. At least what stuck in my head. If I was JKR, I’d be pretty annoyed with the director of this one. Way to miss the point.

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