Catching up

Okay, I promised that I’d share my thoughts on stuff I’ve been Twittering, lately. That is, if anybody cares. I’m guessing “not so much”, but when has that ever stopped somebody from rambling about on their blog. Right?

Okay. First, let’s go back a week and remember the Oscars. I watch every year – even if I haven’t seen the nominated movies/performances. I totally dig the outfits and the silliness surrounding them. I love watching the red carpet announcers ask ridiculous, senseless questions and then watching the celebrities try desperately not to go, “Wait…..WHAT??” So. Here are my thoughts.

Putting Tim Gunn on the red carpet is nothing short of brilliant. He’s amazing. He’s encouraging and nice without being too butt-kissy, he knows about what people are wearing and he’s just made of awesome. The best part of his bit was when he seemed to LEAP from somewhere off camera left (our right) into the path of Brad & Angelina. For about 2 seconds, they both looked totally terrified & utterly confused. It was quite funny.

Everyone goes on & on about how amazing Angelina looks. Which, I’ll give her. She’s beautiful. But girl needed a bra in a big, big way on Sunday. It was just icky. I expect more from someone of her caliber.

On the other hand, Kate Winslet was simply hot, buttered AWESOME. I adored her dress – so smooth and what a great color! Others mocked her hairstyle, but I thought it looked so chic. She’s utterly beautiful.

For some reason, all of a sudden they cut to some other guy interview Jack Black and his wife at a bar. Which was the most awkward moment ever. I honestly think it took all Jack’s restraint not to just go, “”Why did you even bother?”

Then the show started. And every light that ever lit anything in the world, ever, came on and brightened the stage, making the room the temperature of the center of the sun and all the celebrities burst into flame. Except not.

I was very, very skeptical of Hugh Jackman as host. He’s not funny and they really need someone funny up there. Or so I thought. His opening number was amazing. The idea of “I put this together in my garage” totally worked – the pizza box set of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”, the stick-your-head-in screen of Benjamin Button, the lawn chairs for Frost/Nixon – really clever. But the best was the bit on The Reader. It was completely nonsensical. It was like they suddenly went to an episode of the Mike Myers SNL skit, “Sprockets”. Even Hugh cracked up in the middle of it. “Now is the time on Sprockets that we DANCE”.

The joke about Meryl Streep being nominated for her 756th Oscar meaning that she’s on steroids was brilliant. Yes.

The new thing with having five past Oscar winners wax eloquently about the category’s nominees I found annoying. Do these overly praised celebrities really need even MORE accolades? It took FOR. EV. ER. and it was so self-serving and sycophantic. These people do NOT need any more butt-kissing. They already are given far more attention and back-slapping than they deserve – why would you give them more? Bah.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally don’t care about anybody’s personal preferences, if you know what I mean. Whether Hugh Jackman digs girls or guys isn’t any concern of mine. But, dude, if you’re trying to quelch the rumors about yourself, maybe the very, very gay Broadway number isn’t the best choice. Seriously. But honestly – that was the most awful thing on an awards show since the Rob Lowe/Snow White debacle of 1989. Many people claim Baz Luhrmann is a genius. For the love of all that’s holy, NO. Do not let that man ever do anything like that again. Beyonce did her best, but it was totally uncomfortable and awkward. It seemed that Hugh Jackman had an obsession with “The Sound of Music”, since he kept singing, “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria”. I cannot express how much I hated that Zac Efron & Vanessa whats-her-name had to be there. And poor Amanda Seyfried. It was agonizing watching them try to sell that abominable piece of sewage. It was honestly like being in some sort of musical theatre nightmare.

It’s been a long time since his turn as the Pirate King in 1983’s “Pirates of Penzance”, but Kevin Kline is still totally hot.

I’m flabbergasted by the powers-that-be’s desire to shove shove their young, mostly talentless stable of actors down our throats. There is absolutely no reason why Zac Efrom should even be allowed INTO the Oscars, must less perform and present. It’s wrong, I tell you. And Robert Pattinson? He’s been in, like, two movies and, granted, “Twilight” was a big money-maker, it was certainly not any example of great movie making. Or acting. Or even art direction. He looked totally ashamed to be there.

And, because I’m older than dirt, I couldn’t stay awake till the end. I missed all the big awards, but I’m sure they were great.

Then there’s American Idol. I missed the 1st round of of semi-finalists. But the second round was quite interesting. You’d think that by the 8th season the contestants would get the whole “make a good song choice” thing. Because the key to the whole thing is CHOOSING THE RIGHT SONG. Yet, over and over again, these kids just choose songs they like with what seems like no thought to whether or not it’s right for them. Don’t they have professionals there working with them, like vocal coaches & stuff? Why aren’t they saying, “Hey, cool song. You sound like crap on it – let’s try something else.” I mean, come ON. You know that this week, only three of the 12 of you are moving on. You have to choose something that you totally kick butt on – not just some nice song you really dig. You’ve got one shot. It seemed that none of these kids understood that. The first 3 contestants just blew it. They chose songs that they either didn’t have the chops for or were in the wrong key or just didn’t have enough “oomph”. the first girl, Jasmine, for example, did not have the chops for that song. She was constantly trying to hit the riffs, but she’d end up just missing notes. And, while I’m sure that Coldplay song is really cool when Coldplay does it, Matt tortured it. Really, really bad choice. There were actually only 2 kids who sang WELL. Allison is a prime example. She not only chose a most awesome song for herself, she blew the doors off with it. It started a little iffy because the beginning was a little low for her, but as soon as the rock kicked in, she rocked it. That’s an example of a good song choice.

Then it went back to bad song choice after bad song choice. These were kids who seemed to be really good during auditions and Hollywood week. Then, all of sudden, it’s like they can’t sing anymore. And it boils down to their songs. Megan (I think that’s her name?) has a really cool voice – very distinctive. But her song was simply awful. Her pitch was all over the place. The dress was awful. And it’s a shame because she’s really pretty and with her unusual sound, she’d really have a shot at a career.

In fact, the only performance I really enjoyed (Allison notwithstanding) was Nick/Norman. That dude OWNED that stage from moment ONE. Yes, he doesn’t have the best voice there. But nobody worked it like he did. I laughed and clapped and died when he called out Doogie Howser (who was actually sitting right there!) Whether or not he’s the best singer, he has stage presence and performance ability light years beyond what everybody else showed. Most awesome. I’m very sad he’s gone and hope the whole “wild card” thing will bring him back.

And then there’s Adam. :sigh: I’m already tired of Adam. Yes, Adam has a big range. He can do the whole screamy rock tenor thing very well. But his performance of “Satisfaction” was nothing short of annoying, in my opinion. From the start, where he was trying to be all slow and sexy and Elvis’-68-Comeback-Special (and where I wanted to laugh in his face), to the very end where Randy compared him to EDWARD CULLEN (which, dude, is NOT a compliment unless you’re a 15 year old boy), I was annoyed. By his hair, by his pleased-with-himself smirk, to the overuse of the channeling of Steven Tyler/Greg Volz, he annoyed me. And they fawned over him. They might as well have crowned him already. Please don’t let him win.

So, I’m looking forward to the next round. If only to eliminate overly-sensitive, badly dressed boy. I don’t see anyone else in that group I care about. A word to group three – think very, very carefully about your song. If you’re not sure about it, ask the vocal coach person. Or your mom. Or text your friends and ask them. But, as we’ve seen, a bad song choice will end everything for you. Okay? Okay. Oh, and voters? Stop voting for Adam.